Worst Texter Backer Ever

To some, I am affectionately known as being the "worst texter back ever". Literally, a facebook post said so, "liked" my several friends and family. I remember the day when text messaging became an option, albeit a painstaking process of pushing buttons on a flip phone sometimes three to four times in a row to accomplish just one letter. We've come a long way since then, smartphones, IM, Twitter, Facebook, traditional email, all accessible by a simple app, at any moment, by anyone. And because of all these ways in which to communicate, I have become increasingly overwhelmed with the sheer volume of technologies to respond to. I have become the worst texter back ever. The simplest tool of them all, at my fingertips, has become my rebellion.

I started to think, in the olden days, texting was so laborious, it was limited to brief messages, updates, FYIs, a quick flirty "I'm thinking of you". Now, as texting has become our main mode of instant communication, much preferred to a phone call, users and abusers alike have resorted to having complete conversations across texting. Whereas, originally, it was designed as a convenience, it's become (for me) a complete pain in the ass. Thus, evolved my texting rebellion. Let me give you a few Burger Rules of Etiquette.

1. You're more likely to get a response from me, if you ask a question or provide me a reason to reply. Assuming it's an appropriate question and is necessary for me to respond. Just to occupy your time is not sufficient for me to waste mine.

2. If a text conversation is started, and its purpose has been exhausted, I will stop playing our silly game. Call it ADHD, or "that's just Burger" but you've lost my attention.

3. I appreciate you more as a text buddy if you keep it short, succinct and to the point. And I'll play fair.

4. I do enjoy funny short stories or photos, those texts brighten my day. But it starts and ends there, because that's how it would happen in person. A friend shares, a friend receives, the end.

5. Etiquette also says that you shouldn't text after a certain time at night, the only object I sleep with at night is my phone, and I want it to neither ding nor vibrate before my morning alarm clock.

6. Don't text me to tell me you sent me an email or left a voicemail. Honestly.

7. Avoid, at all costs, text shorthand. I'm a spelling and grammar Nazi and I will rip your text to electronic shreds (or not respond) if you're writing to me using Algebraic language with letters and numbers. They don't belong together in math, and they certainly don't belong together in a text message. Ate is not 8. See is not C. You is not U. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I believe text messaging is meant to share exciting, funny or important messages conveniently throughout the day, doesn't require a lot of energy from either party, can be responded to at leisure (if at all), is worthwhile and isn't something that is duplicated by another technological means.

A majority of the texting world doesn't share my opinions, so therefore, I've been labeled the worst texter backer ever. If you don't get a response, you've been red-listed. But you can redeem yourself, if, IF you demonstrate proper Burger texting etiquette.

A texting relationship with me can be harmonious, given these suggestions and recommendations. Anything else, I am THE most stubborn worst texter back ever and you might as well delete my digits from your smartphones' smartaddress book.

The Top 10 Most Annoying Text Habits (courtesy of Cosmo).
1. The Mass Text
2. The Texting Cult (when everyone brings their text plan as their date)
3. The Double Message (see number 6 above)
4. The Texting Tease
5. The Bulk Texter
6. The Bored Texter
7. The Show-and-Teller
8. The Goobers and Popcorn Texter
9. The Lingering K
10. The Needs-To-Grow-A-Pair Texter

Hit me up!